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We expect good CEOs to regularly step back from the day-to-day and ask difficult questions. Where are we going? What’s working? What isn’t? Where are we investing our resources? What are we tolerating? What needs to change? And perhaps most importantly: Are the decisions we’re making today creating the future we actually want? It occurred to me recently that many of us spend our careers asking questions like these about organizations. But how often do we ask them about our ow

I recently heard about an old tradition called “telling the bees.” For centuries, in parts of Europe and later America, when someone in a household died, a family member would go out to the beehive and tell the bees what had happened. Sometimes the hives were draped in black cloth. Sometimes the bees were told the name of the person who had died. In some traditions, they were even symbolically invited to the funeral. At first, it sounded like one of those curious customs from

Something happens in August. The light changes. The evenings get a little shorter. Vacations wind down. Back-to-school displays appear in stores. Calendars begin filling up again. And somehow, the summer that felt as though it had just begun is almost over. Every year, we tell ourselves the same thing: There will always be another summer. And hopefully there will. But there won't be an unlimited number of them. That's something we rarely think about. When we're young, summers

Leaving a job is easy to define. There is a last day. You turn in the laptop. Your access gets shut off. You say goodbye. You update LinkedIn. Maybe you have a celebration, or maybe you simply close the door. And you're gone. Except sometimes, you're not. Because there is a difference between leaving a job and actually leaving it. You can physically leave an organization and continue working there in your head for months - or even years. You replay conversations. You wonder w

When I recently watched The Odyssey, I expected an epic adventure. What I didn't expect was a masterclass in leadership and personal transformation. Like many great stories, The Odyssey isn't really about the destination. It's about the person the journey creates. That realization struck me because it mirrors what I've seen throughout my experience as an HRBP and transformation coach. People often come to coaching wanting better results - a promotion, stronger relationships,

Most people believe their identity is simply who they are. I see it differently. I think many of us are living from identities we never consciously chose. We built them. Not because something was wrong with us. But because they worked. Somewhere along the way, you learned that achieving brought recognition. So you became the Performer. Maybe you discovered that keeping everyone happy helped you avoid conflict. So you became the Pleaser. Perhaps you learned that if you didn't

Most people think they have one identity. I don't. I think many of us have two. The first is the person we genuinely are. The second is the person we learned to become. Not because we were dishonest. Not because we were pretending. But because we adapted. We adapted to succeed. We adapted to belong. We adapted to avoid conflict. We adapted to survive difficult environments. Over time, those adaptations became automatic. I call these Adaptive Identities. An Adaptive Identity i

Babies laugh more than 200 times a day. Adults? Some studies suggest we laugh only a handful of times each day. At first glance, that sounds like an interesting statistic. Maybe even a little sad. Most articles will tell you that laughter reduces stress, lowers cortisol, strengthens your immune system, and improves your mood. All of that is true. But I think something much deeper is happening. I don't think we simply stop laughing. I think we slowly become someone who laughs

We’re encouraged to create bucket lists. Places to visit. Goals to accomplish. Dreams to chase. There’s nothing wrong with that. Ambition gives us direction. But there’s another list we rarely make. A reverse bucket list. Instead of asking: “What do I still want to do?” It asks: “What have I already done that I once only imagined?” It’s a simple exercise. But I don’t believe it’s really about accomplishments. I think it’s about identity. Think about it. At one point, your cur

There comes a moment in many people's lives when the strategies that once brought them success no longer produce the same results. The achiever can no longer outwork the problem. The people pleaser can no longer keep everyone happy. The perfectionist can no longer control every outcome. The responsible one can no longer carry everything alone. For a while, these identities served us well. They helped us belong. They helped us succeed. They helped us feel safe. They helped us

Most people think identity is something they discover. They spend years trying to answer questions like: Who am I? What is my purpose? What was I meant to do? These are important questions. But they may not be the most important ones. Because before we can understand who we are, we often need to understand who we have learned to be. That distinction changes everything. Most of us move through life assuming our thoughts, behaviors, preferences, and patterns are simply "who we

Most people don't lose themselves all at once. There is rarely a dramatic moment. No resignation letter. No breakdown. No life-altering event that clearly marks the beginning of disconnection. Instead, it happens quietly. A decision made because it seemed practical. A dream postponed until a better time. A responsibility accepted because no one else would take it. A promotion that looked right on paper. A role that no longer fits but feels too comfortable—or too risky—to leav

Some of the most outwardly successful people I know are quietly disconnected from themselves. Not because they failed. Because they adapted for too long. They became: highly capable dependable respected productive promotable But somewhere along the way, achievement slowly became identity. What once started as ambition eventually became obligation. The calendar filled. The title grew. The expectations increased. The performance continued. And from the outside, life looked succ

There is something fascinating about how pearls are made. A pearl begins with irritation. A grain of sand enters the oyster unexpectedly. It is uncomfortable. Disruptive. Persistent. The oyster cannot simply remove it, ignore it, or pretend it is not there. Instead, it responds. Layer by layer, the oyster coats the irritation with a substance called nacre. Over time, what once caused discomfort becomes something refined, valuable, and beautiful. I think life works much the sa

There is a difference. We all know people who are successful. They have the title. The promotion. The experience. The accomplishments. The résumé. On paper, they have done everything “right.” And yet, some of those same people still walk into a room and disappear. Then there are others. People who walk into a room and somehow change it without saying much at all. You notice them. Not because they are louder. Not because they are trying harder. Not because they are demanding a

You changed the job. You changed the team. You changed the environment. And for a moment… it felt better. New title. New expectations. New energy. You told yourself, “This is it. This is what I needed.” And then, quietly… The same feeling came back. Not dramatically. Not all at once. Just enough to notice. “Why does this feel the same?” This is the question most people don’t know how to answer. Because on paper, everything changed. So why didn’t it feel different? The Pat

Every year, it happens. You start strong. New goals. New habits. New energy. “This is my year.” And then… Somewhere around mid-January—quietly, subtly—you stop. Not dramatically. Not with a big decision. You just… don’t go to the gym one day. You skip the routine. You push it to tomorrow. And just like that, it’s over. There’s actually a name for this. “Quitter’s Day.” The data comes from Strava—an app that tracks millions of real workouts across the world. They analyzed hund

There’s a phrase I recently heard: “Put fire in the playground.” At first, it sounds chaotic. A little reckless, even. Why would anyone want to set fire to something that’s working? But the more I thought about it, the more I realized— This is exactly what most people avoid. And exactly what change often requires. We’re trained to keep things smooth Most people—especially high-performing professionals—are wired to: Keep things running Keep things calm Keep things “working” We

Radical candor. Radical accountability. Radical decisions. The word radical is everywhere right now. And most people think it means: Bold. Extreme. Intense. That’s one way to look at it—but there’s another perspective. And I’d go as far as to say that’s not what “radical” actually means. Radical means: going to the root. And that changes everything. Because most people are trying to change their results by adjusting behavior. They try to: communicate better work harder be mo

There’s something about adulthood that no one really warns you about. At some point, the version of you that built your life… stops working. Not because you failed. Not because something is wrong. But because identities have a shelf life . The problem is, they don’t come with expiration dates. So you keep wearing them long after they’ve stopped fitting. The Identity That Got You Here Most of us built our lives around an identity that worked really well for a while. Maybe you